Find my recent news, some articles, essays, and other fun stuff down below.
Magazine Archive
Find my recent news, some articles, essays, and other fun stuff down below.
In this article, you will learn how to pin an accident on the other guy. We need more lawyers. Do you want to eat ice cream for lunch? You should. It’s the fourth amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Freedom to eat.
Oh my, this is the exit. Only twenty minutes away. I’m excited. My nose drizzled as I saw black-eyed Susans sprouting along the side of the highway.
We’re now here. What? There? Where? My car careened into a ditch. My wife called it their driveway, but I saw no house. They didn’t actually live right off the road. I crane my neck. We had to hike up to that ledge, where I saw no house. I was assured it was there above the shelf, across a stream, and over the ridge yonder.
I don’t know what most writers think about. When I write, I imagine an audience has paid good money to hear my prose spoken. They don’t want to listen to my voice because I’m a mumbly bastard, but more preferably one of the Obamas, Patrick Stewart, or Helen Mirren. I imagine they’ve paid to witness a sublime concert, and just not some piece of social criticism. Okay, maybe a Rage Against the Machine—maybe that’s a bit too strong. More like an “Annoyed by the Bullshit.”
An employee, wearing a Monger Matt’s Havana short sleeve shirt, locks eyes with me. It isn’t the first time I’ve noticed an employee looking at me. But the service here is so much better than anyone else.
“I just need to get English muffins before I’m ready to check out,” I say.
I feel like Monger Matt’s is like my family. I’ve been shopping at one since I lived briefly in Coconut Grove. That was what, fourteen years ago? So glad they opened one up in Buffalo. Really, it’s Amherst. I couldn’t understand why towns around Buffalo had Buffalo ZIP codes. Of course, I was from New England, where obscure villages had their own post offices.